Read Relevant Magazine. It’s good thought provoking material. Here is an article that made my heart pound with excitement. Maybe things really are changing! Maybe we really can be a part of it!
Over and over again my spiritual life has been saved by Ecclesiastes. I sometimes feel like I’ve lived as many different people, and I’m trying to cram them all together inside my skin and make them all behave. The thing is, THEY TOTALLY HATE EACH OTHER! I need to know there is a time for everything because at any particular moment four of my seventeen personalities may be acting completely on their own agenda, not agreeing on anything. So it also helps to know it’s all for nothing…at least ALL my multiples are acting in vain and there’s not just that one guy in there ruining it for the rest of them.
I think in circles, seldom reaching concrete conclusions or well formed opinions. I ruffle feathers, even my own. I struggle to maintain consistency just in my personality, let alone my behavior. Maybe it all depends on if I’ve had my 5th cup of coffee on any particular day, but I could possibly give a different answer to the same question 365 days of the year.
The way I think is the same way a 5th grader with ADHD does his school wor….sharpens his penc…talks to his neighb…sharpens his pen…checks out his shoes…huh? Did you say something? What homewor…want to ride bikes after class?
At some point in my life I lost my passion for God. We can chalk that up to so many things, but I can’t really pinpoint why it happened, or when it happened, or how to get it back. Because, make no mistake, I want it back. Why? Because it felt great.
My only thought is that maybe that feeling I had, that passion, that fiery heat to know the Creator of the World was just pride. The swelling of my own self-love. My own ego. Telling me I was right. And they were wrong. And God was on my side.
I’m relying on God to teach me, and a lot of the time I feel like I’m alone in this. I’m struggling with church. I’m struggling with Christians. I’m struggling with ME.
These verses have gotten me through the past few months. I’m sure they are setting up a permanent residence somewhere in my soul.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8
My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. Psalm 131:1
Right Now September 15, 2008
Right now our house is 63 degrees. That’s cold, folks! It’s even colder if you’re only 6 months old. Right now Cass is in her crib sleeping away the day in a onsie, a hoodie, pantyhose, socks, and legwarmers. It’s a very colorful array of clothing, but if you just look at the hoodie she’s quite gangsta. Robbers, muggers, thieves of all sorts and thugs alike will benefit from the addition of a pasi. That’ll strike the fear of God in you!
Hey! Speaking of the fear of God…for years I’ve had this simple thought that maybe, just maybe, we are making a mistake when we say that “taking the Lord’s name in vain” is using his name as an word to show excitement or disbelief or a vast amount of emotions really. Using the Lord’s name in vain makes me to think it means just that: using it in vain. Example. If I were to have an agenda (maybe it would be political) and I were to say that God wants me to (and therefore you) to do something (even though the Bible doesn’t clearly say such a thing, but I really want it to be this way) then I am taking the Lord’s name in vain. Using God for my own vanity. Simple, isn’t it?
So why do we do it?
By the way, I love you guys.
Oh Politics! How In-Definitive You Are! September 4, 2008
I’ve read a lot of my Christian friend’s notes about politics and, being from the deep south, they of course have established the political right with being “right” as in “right and wrong”. I have even received emails and messages from people who would not claim to believe in God urging me to vote Republican because it’s “what Jesus would do”. Frankly, I want to be more responsible with my soul than to let nominal beliefs or structures to rule my actions. Not only do I want to know why I believe what I believe, I want to make sure that my actions are a result of that – not the influence of other people!
As a Christian, I want to remind my friends (as I’m due for a check myself) that our ultimate goal is to love. Love our neighbors. Love the unborn. Love the people in Iraq. Love the homeless. Love the children. Love people of the other political party. Love the women who have abortions. Love the soldiers that murder the people in Iraq – as well as the people who kill the soldiers. Love the people who make life hard for the homeless. Love the wayward fathers and cynical teachers.
This is such an impossible standard, yet it is our standard! I understand that we will not be perfect – something I’m grateful for – but I want perspective. I want to bypass having a few “hot button” issues rule my thoughts. The world is much bigger, and deserves much more consideration than that.
This election is about much more than hot button issues. The fact is, evil is everywhere. You cannot escape it by putting a particular candidate in office.
I am hoping that as followers of Christ we will be able to set aside our political agendas and look at the big picture. All of us need to pray as to what God would have us do. It’s wrong to kill a baby in a doctor’s office. It’s wrong to kill a person in war. It’s wrong to prefer greed to sacrifice for the common good.
I hate that as smart as my Christian friends are, we are not solving problems by thinking about the issues that plague us. Abortion is not the end of the scope. There is genocide going on in world as I type this. Why are we complaining about our tax dollars when much of Africa doesn’t have water to drink?
Praise God for Compassion! I’m glad that at the times I’ve needed it from other people I’ve received it, and I pray that when the time comes I’ll be able to give as I’ve received. He who loves much has been loved much.
1 Corinthians 2:9 April 22, 2008
Late at night, as it is now, I often sit and wonder about what life will be like. I am more prone to this habit now than I ever have been, although I’ve been known as a daydreamer my whole life and can remember doing this as early as 5 or 6. I wonder more and more about Cassidy and who she will be. I am asking God to, even now, prepare her a heart that will love Him more than anyone or anything else in the world. Scott and I struggle so much to be the people that we want to be. We have the best of intentions, but really, who cares about intentions? I certainly don’t!
The thing is, and maybe I’m the only one, but I have a feeling down deep in my gut that says that life is more than what we know it to be now. It’s bigger. It’s better, even. I want to know what the “abundant” part of “abundant life” is. I want to know what Jesus meant when He said that we can have it. I want it! And I believe that we can have it. (I believe that you can have it, too. God is not partial. And if He’d be willing to get involved with me, you can bet He’d be willing to do the same for you. You wouldn’t believe the things about me if I told you myself!)
My heart races at the thought that maybe I’m missing something. That getting to know this God, the One and Only, the Christ, could unleash something so powerful that it could overtake me, my house, my family…I want that. I’m not just talking about being weird, because heaven knows I’m already there, and I’m not talking about being judgemental, because regrettably I’ve been there too. I am talking about something so great that I can’t even imagine it for myself. I feel a prick in my heart. It burns in my soul.
What is it?
There’s something brewing on the edge of what I know. It’s just across the line I’ve never crossed. It marks the place I’ve never been but always longed to go. And from this place God calls, “Come! I’ve prepared a banquet!”
I’m hungry. I think I’ll go!
This life is meant to be lived, Friends. Love is meant to be felt. Don’t cut yourself short of the good stuff!