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Oh My Gawh! October 31, 2008

Filed under: Day to Day — familydunn @ 12:40 am

I bit off all my nails.  Why?  Why did I do this you ask? 

I really don’t have a reason.

Boredom.  I guess.  Although some would argue that it’s hard to be bored when you never have a free second.  I would argue that I defy the very nature of rationality and therefore, screw you!  But that wouldn’t be nice.

I’m kidding – and the reason I want to say that I’m kidding is because some of the girls that read this I can’t imagine saying that to.  They are honest and sweet and are probably horrified by my crass jokes.  But they are way to kind to say anything about it to me.  ALL THE MORE PROVING THEIR SWEETNESS!

Thanks girls for reading my blog and not manipulating me into a guilt trip.  The only person I’ve ever known to let a gal maintain her dignity when acting stupid was Jesus, and I appreciate y’all acting like him.  That’s what the world needs.  That’s what the church needs, too. 

I’m working on a lot of blogs so stay tuned.  We’ve had a lot happen in our life recently and we’re working on making it what we want it to be.  We’re finding that life, challenging and difficult as it is, is more exciting and more provocative with each new struggle.  So…Dear Life…have I told you lately to BRING IT ON!!!


Son of a Preacher Man October 23, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — familydunn @ 3:10 am

Here’s a link to Frank Schaeffer’s interview about his book Crazy for God: How I Grew up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of it Back.  It looks interesting to me.  And it will probably look interesting to all of my readers as long as you already like theology and your name is Jonathan.


Further Thoughts on Cussing Christians October 22, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — familydunn @ 2:18 am

I’m sorry I have to go back here, guys, but I wanted to say a few more things.  I really want this post to be over, but seeing as how this issue is relevant BUT SO NOT IMPORTANT I feel the need to clarify a few things because it is the number one post on my site and is viewed every day.

The main thing I want to say is that it’s not as important as I made it out to be and it’s my fault that I blew up over the issue.  I should have ignored it and continued on without saying anything about it, but I am impulsive and it bites me in the ass.

I’m sorry if I offended anyone.  It was probably my intention more than I thought.  Also, I still stand by my earlier post but I wish I would have gone about it a different way. 

I am for unity and it was divisive.  Just as divisive as a Christian who condemns others for their language.

My bad.  Hopefully in the future I’ll handle situations like that with a little more social grace.  And God knows that there are much more important and divisive issues out there to get all up in arms about. 

Example, did you know that slavery is a 32 BILLION dollar a year industry, behind only arms and narcotics?  What?  Here’s a website you can check out.  Language pales in comparison to issues like this. 

In some less serious news, I promise I will be back tomorrow with something less depressing.


Jesus on the Mainline October 21, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — familydunn @ 1:30 am

A couple weeks ago Scott and I got to go out while my mama watched Cass for a few hours.  (Is it just my kid or do all kids act better for their grandmothers?)  We went to the high school football game and then went downtown to see what El Dorado night life is all about.  Apparently it’s all about a few empty bars and one tiny little coffee shop.  

We went in one of the bars and sat on the balcony.  We met a couple of out-of-town pilots who flew in for a private company and had the night off.  They were trying to figure out what people in El Dorado do.  So were we.  They were nice and thoughtful, and I wish I would have talked to them awhile longer, but I was restless and missing my baby.

We decided to abandon the bar because I had one whiskey drink and thought I would never be able to talk without slurring my speech again.  Apparently forgoing the alcohol for the last year and a half has seriously diminished my tolerance, which, as some of you know, is small to begin with.  There is a running joke with my friends that I automatically turn drunk at 5pm.  Even if I haven’t had a drink.  In all actuality it’s not that I’m drunk, I’m just that silly.  I get goofier and goofier the older I get.  I also tolerate alcohol less and less the older I get. 

We had peered inside the windows of the coffee bar earlier but did not go in.  There were some neat looking pillows and bags that we liked so we walked back to check them out.   The front room of the shop was filled with odds and ends that referenced pop culture and a single doorway that let the sounds swell from the back room.  The sound hit me and I instantly fell in love with it.  The voice of an older man and his acoustic guitar.  Singing, “Jesus on the mainline, tell em whatcha want.”  Smooth, warm, and deep, it rolled over my soul like milky coating.  Scott led me to the back room where only the man and the shop owner were and I took a seat directly in front of the man and his guitar. 

He stopped.  I begged him to keep playing. 

He agreed and told me that I’d like the next song.  I did.  I loved it.  A song called “Goodbye” by Steve Earl.  My eyes swelled as I felt the heartache that was poured into it, as my heart related to the pain and false comforts of chemicals and passivity.  We introduced ourselves.  Andy could play a sweet tune.

We started talking the regular talk that we all do when we’re meeting someone new, and then Andy asked what we thought about the current situation going on in America.  Scott immediately made him feel comfortable by letting him know we’d be accepting of him even if we didn’t agree with him and he said Now I feel like I can speak.  And we talked.  I didn’t agree with everything he said.  But I enjoyed talking to him.  I learned a few things and was challenged to dig deeper into my own thoughts and opinions.

When Scott and I finally left the coffee shop we went and sat on a bench for a while before driving home.  The line Now I can speak ran over and over in my head. 

What if we had been to defensive of our own opinions that we had shut him out?  What if we had refused to let him speak poorly of the things that we so deeply believe?  What if we had been uninterested because of his age?  Or that he looked rough around the edges?  Or that he sang a song about getting high?  What if I had disregarded him, as I’ve done with so many others, that I’d missed the blessing? 

I want my life to be one that allows people – whoever they are, where ever they are from, whatever they believe – a voice.  The times that I’ve made my goal changing others to be more like me I’ve seldom learned how to change myself.  I want to be a person who listens first.  And learns.  And loves. 

I want to be like Jesus. 

Jesus on the mainline, tell him what you want!


Rob Bell Speaks to Me October 19, 2008

Filed under: links,The God Delusion — familydunn @ 4:27 pm

Read Relevant Magazine.  It’s good thought provoking material.  Here is an article that made my heart pound with excitement.  Maybe things really are changing!  Maybe we really can be a part of it!


Great Matters

Filed under: Manic Merry Me,The God Delusion — familydunn @ 1:50 am

Over and over again my spiritual life has been saved by Ecclesiastes.  I sometimes feel like I’ve lived as many different people, and I’m trying to cram them all together inside my skin and make them all behave.  The thing is, THEY TOTALLY HATE EACH OTHER!  I need to know there is a time for everything because at any particular moment four of my seventeen personalities may be acting completely on their own agenda, not agreeing on anything.  So it also helps to know it’s all for nothing…at least ALL my multiples are acting in vain and there’s not just that one guy in there ruining it for the rest of them. 

I think in circles, seldom reaching concrete conclusions or well formed opinions.  I ruffle feathers, even my own.  I struggle to maintain consistency just in my personality, let alone my behavior.  Maybe it all depends on if I’ve had my 5th cup of coffee on any particular day, but I could possibly give a different answer to the same question 365 days of the year. 

The way I think is the same way a 5th grader with ADHD does his school wor….sharpens his penc…talks to his neighb…sharpens his pen…checks out his shoes…huh?  Did you say something?  What homewor…want to ride bikes after class?

At some point in my life I lost my passion for God.  We can chalk that up to so many things, but I can’t really pinpoint why it happened, or when it happened, or how to get it back.  Because, make no mistake, I want it back.  Why?  Because it felt great. 

My only thought is that maybe that feeling I had, that passion, that fiery heat to know the Creator of the World was just pride.  The swelling of my own self-love.  My own ego.  Telling me I was right.  And they were wrong.  And God was on my side. 

How arrogant.

I’m relying on God to teach me, and a lot of the time I feel like I’m alone in this.  I’m struggling with church.  I’m struggling with Christians.  I’m struggling with ME.

These verses have gotten me through the past few months.  I’m sure they are setting up a permanent residence somewhere in my soul. 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.  Psalm 32:8

My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.  Psalm 131:1


What I Wish I Would Have Done October 17, 2008

Filed under: Manic Merry Me — familydunn @ 5:59 pm

To quote Sam from Quantum Leap:


This has been a crazy week.  I have not posted much simply because of the chaotic schedules and chores that never seem to be finished and hurts that never seem to heal. 

Scott and I have been learning how to be married people who love each other.  The reason I’m so open about that is because I think it’s a normal process for married people.  Plus, I don’t want anyone to think that we are hating on each other or anything like that.  It’s just really frustrating when he forgets to plug in his phone before he goes to bed and it starts beeping in the middle of the night and I have to wake him up to get it and when he gets up he makes so much noise that it wakes up Cass and then he brings her to me and then climbs back in bed and GOES TO SLEEP!  WHILE I AM HOLDING A SCREAMING CHILD!  THAT I DID NOT WAKE UP!  We both woke up the next morning with bruises because a wrestling match occurred after that the likes of which our flirt by means of wrestling in our dating days had never seen.  Oh. My. Arg.

There are some mistakes I’ve already made on this blog.  It’s like a journal that all of you get to read, and I knew that going in.  What I didn’t count on was people holding things I’ve said against me.  I should have.  It was naive of me not to.  I would be mortified if you read something I wrote in my early 20s and in 5 years from now I’ve probably be mortified you are reading this.  But it still remains the most honest version of who I am today.  I wish I would have said some things differently, more compassionately, but I didn’t.  I’ve thought about erasing some posts, but I decided against it. 


I was talking with my mom the other day and she reminded me that we don’t know how much time we have left here.  It’s coming to an end, whether we want it to or not, and we’ve got to deal with that, whether we want to or not.  “What kind of legacy are you leaving for those left behind?” is what she asked. 

Yes, it’s true, I invite my family and the rest of the world to view my blog, I made it mostly for Cassidy.  If I die in the next two minutes the only thing I leave her with is this blog.  I don’t want her to have some kind of notion that I had life under my belt and that I never messed up, that I never rebelled, that I never regretted anything, or that I never smarted off when I should have kept my mouth shut.  I have been known as a queen of controversy, and it’s not something that I like about myself.  I want to be someone who pulls people together and not someone who promotes discord.  I’m learning. 

In the mean time, I will remain candid.  I am sorrowful over some things I’ve done but I do not think that pretending like it hasn’t happened is the best way to deal with the situation.  I love my daughter.  I want her to know that her mommy went through some of the same troubles she is bound to go through, and hopefully some she will only have knowledge of though her mother’s “DON’T GO THERE” pleas. 

I continually find that God is more and more forgiving and capable and exciting with each new hardship. 

Dear Life, BRING IT ON!