The Dunn Show

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How to Self Induce: Threaten Homemade C-Section September 25, 2008

Filed under: Cassidy,Mommyhood,Pictures — familydunn @ 7:30 pm

Sweet Cass,

It was seven months ago today that I was due to have you.  It was seven months ago today that I WAS NOT DILATED AT ALL, YOU HAD NOT DROPPED AT ALL, AND I WAS MAKING DEATH THREATS TO DOCTORS IF THEY DID NOT HAVE YOU REMOVED IMMEDIATELY!  It was such a sweet and plesant time in my life.

 

It’s hard to believe now that I had to wait 10 days before anyone would actually plead my case and take you from me.  I was so ready to meet you.  More importantly, I wanted to be able to roll over in bed without your father having to hoist me over like a hump back whale that’d been caught in the sand a little to close to shore.  Even more importantly, I wanted to be able to laugh or cough or sneeze or just breathe without peeing on myself.  Or fart.  It really was the only time my gas has rivaled your father’s.  And listen to me very closely – I don’t ever EVER want that to happen again!  It really was such a precious time. 

 

Even though I gained almost 90 pounds I didn’t get stretch marks until I was 36 weeks along.  You were so gentle and sweet to me up until that point.  And then, well, I guess you wanted out just as much as I wanted you out because you put stretch marks on me the likes of which I’ve never seen.  They puffed up like blisters and eventually split open and bled though my shirts.  Everyone says that pregnant women glow, and truly, I was a sigh to behold.  Easy on the eyes, I was.

Once I walked into Barnes and Noble and the old lady who cleans the shelves ran up to the front and said I KNEW IT HAD TO BE YOU!  I COULD SEE YOUR SILHOUETTE FROM THE BACK OF THE STORE AND I THOUGHT THAT MUST BE KRISTEN.  She then asked me asked me how I got there because she knew it would be impossible for me to drive myself at that point, seeing as she didn’t think I could fit behind the wheel of my car.  And that Cass, made me mad.  You’re Daddy had to shut her up before your Mommy was arrested for homicide.  It only made me mad because it was true.  My belly was much larger than my arm span.  Truth be told, you were the one driving in those last months.

Now you are crawling around the living room, spitting at inanimate objects, panting in excitement over the lint you find on the floor.  I’m looking at you remembering these things, and you know what, you were so totally and completely worth every bit of it. 

Dad and I sometimes lay in bed at night and check out my stretch marks to see if they’ve faded at all.  It looks like some redneck got in his monster truck and peeled out on my belly.  So, yeah, they’ve faded quite a bit.

However badly we both must have wanted change at that point we just couldn’t seem to make it happen.  Maybe you did it to spite me, but I don’t think so.  I think we just couldn’t get it together.  Couldn’t make things work.  Cass, I want you to know that anywhere I’ve gotten in life it’s because I’ve failed my way there.  The only reason I have hope is because of Jesus.  He loves me so much.  I know there are people who are going to tell you that I don’t, and that if you act like me then you don’t either, but that’s just not true.  I want so badly for you to know him and how amazingly lovely his love is.  I hope I can show you that while we go through life together. 

That’s what we’re doing, baby.  We’re going through life together.  I’ve thought many times that I don’t know why, and so much more seriously I DON’T THINK IT’S FAIR, that you are mine.  Shouldn’t you belong to someone more capable?  Someone better than me?  I want to do right by you, but I know myself and I know I won’t.  I’m going to mess up with you.  I’m going to fail you at some point.  Just thinking about it makes my throat swell and I find it hard to breathe. 

 

Looking back at pregnancy, remember how utterly miserable I was, it gives me some remnants of something that resembles excitement filled endurance.  We made it through that.  It took us 10 days longer than expected, a 24 hour labor, and an emergency surgery, but we made it.  Me and you, Kid.  That gives me hope.  We will make it again. 

Whatever comes our way, and I’m sure there will be plenty, we’ll make it.  Even if it takes longer than expected.  Even if there is pain involved.  Even if things don’t go as planned.  Even if you make me pee on myself.  Even if you give me gas.  We’ll make it.  Because you’re so totally and completely worth it.

I love you Pumpkin Face.

Love, Mama

 

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Why I am Denouncing the Republican Party. September 20, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — familydunn @ 4:02 am

The reason I can no longer stand for the Republican party (with their “religious right”-ness and their faces painted red) is because they are exploiting the Christians.  We owe the biggest apology to rest of the world because we preach love – the greatest commandment and the Right’s actions are completely out of sort with that.  They want to force “Christian values” upon the rest of the nation: abortion, marriage, war, even death (euthanasia) and health care, and they will gladly and willingly use the government to put people under the stone cold condemnation of THEIR OWN law, all the while screaming about separation of church and state.  The Right is doing this under a Christian guise and while they want to enforce their laws upon the masses, they want their pocket books all to themselves!  

Dear Internet savvy people and blog readers, I am so sorry I have been the person I described above.  I am working on becoming different.  There is no excuse for my past behavior and it brings me sorrow.  I was wrong.  Please forgive me.

It is horrifying to see Christians just fall in line and spout off the same rhetoric – involving fear tactics and irrational assumptions – trying to influence the rest of the Body of Christ to do the same.  

I’m not just trying to get people to think.  I want us to think critically!  Think about why people are different.  Why they want things.  Why they think their solutions are workable.  Let’s get to know (and LOVE) our neighbors and maybe we will come to understand their needs and how to help them!

There are definite absolutes, but the world is not black and white! And we can take comfort in the knowledge that what we think the truth is has no effect on what the truth actually is!  We seem so unbelievably arrogant when we act as if we’ve got a monopoly on truth.  If we believe a lie, it’s still a lie.  If something is true and we don’t believe it to be true, it’s still true!  Our belief system is not what creates truth!  We MUST keep open minds, willing to hear criticism and challenges.

I think, because I’ve been that kind of person before, that it’s easy to be arrogant when you’ve never really messed up BIG TIME and had to be saved from something you knew you couldn’t get out of by yourself.  I thank God that He let me become something horrifying so that I would never forget who I become without Him.  I thank Him for letting me see that grace is sufficient and very relevant for today’s world.  I am very grateful that He has given me friends many different places and perspectives in life so that I can always be reminded of how it feels to be on the outside looking in on other Christian’s who seem to have it all figured out. 

Lord, help us.  It’s no wonder there are those who run from us screaming. 

Oh, Jesus, come quickly and set up your kingdom!  In the meantime, teach us how to genuinely love you and love others.

 

Trees That Die in Winter. September 17, 2008

Filed under: Beautiful People — familydunn @ 2:50 pm

I’m on my second cup of coffee and my third round of postnatal what the fucks?.  I mean, this kid just won’t sleep.  I was awake for several hours HOURS last night.  Oh God please help me.  It’s like Night Time Cass has every intention of sticking it to me the old fashion way and because she can’t walk or talk, she just stays awake for inhumane amounts of time and screams until she vomits.  Like it’s not bad enough that I have to smell her poop all day.  She’s just like her father.

This is my friend Chad.  He doesn’t like you.

Intensely handsome, huh?  He belongs to these guys and also these guys.

I have a few friends who have literally changed my life, SO FOR THE BETTER, and he is one of them.  One night he saw me hyperventilate so bad that this mofo just breathed for me.  It was one of the most humiliated things I’ve ever experienced in front of another person and for some reason when it was all over I still had my dignity.

How did he manage that?  Well, I’ll tell you.  He’s magical.  That’s how!  He’s made of cheese and garlic and comfy comfy pillows and also, probably a little bit of beer.  And if life were different I’d like to imagine that we’d be drinking the blackness of coffee and smoking love out of cigarettes and conversing of something too smart for me.  Later he’d asked me if he could drink whiskey at work, and I’d say no, but in my heart of hearts that means WOULD YOU PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE, SPIKE MY COFFEE?

There was a night when he decided to teach me a lesson.  He took me outside and made me look at the stars.  “How significant are you?”  In that moment, it was clear.  How significant am I?  NOT VERY.  Not when you see the vastness of the created world and space with the addition of the bigger-than-life balls of fire in another galaxy burning to degrees that would emulsify you in a nanosecond when to your naked eye it seems that the night is just borrowing twinkles and sparkles from your best friend’s wedding ring and sprinkling them across the dark black sky.  And there you are.  Tiny.  Insignificant.  At the mercy of something greater.  See?  Clarity achieved!  Or it could have just been the handful of mushrooms I had eaten a few hours earlier.

 

Right Now September 15, 2008

Filed under: Cassidy,Pictures,The God Delusion — familydunn @ 3:34 pm

Right now our house is 63 degrees.  That’s cold, folks!  It’s even colder if you’re only 6 months old.  Right now Cass is in her crib sleeping away the day in a onsie, a hoodie, pantyhose, socks, and legwarmers.  It’s a very colorful array of clothing, but if you just look at the hoodie she’s quite gangsta.  Robbers, muggers, thieves of all sorts and thugs alike will benefit from the addition of a pasi.  That’ll strike the fear of God in you!

    

Hey!  Speaking of the fear of God…for years I’ve had this simple thought that maybe, just maybe, we are making a mistake when we say that “taking the Lord’s name in vain” is using his name as an word to show excitement or disbelief or a vast amount of emotions really.  Using the Lord’s name in vain makes me to think it means just that: using it in vain.  Example.  If I were to have an agenda (maybe it would be political) and I were to say that God wants me to (and therefore you) to do something (even though the Bible doesn’t clearly say such a thing, but I really want it to be this way) then I am taking the Lord’s name in vain.  Using God for my own vanity.  Simple, isn’t it? 

So why do we do it? 

By the way, I love you guys.

 

Jukebox Hero and So Much More!!! September 12, 2008

Filed under: Family News,Something New,Uncategorized — familydunn @ 12:12 am

I’ve had the same best friend for the last 11 years!  When I was 15 I wrecked her car and her insurance wouldn’t pay for it.  Apparently they didn’t believe that the deer hit her.  True, it hit me!  When I was 16, she taught me how to play the guitar.  Once we were turning onto an Interstate ramp and her steering wheel locked up.  A man who lived across the street came over to help us.  He asked us if we had any weed.  We were like “No.  We’re 16.”  Ah, give it time, folks.  When I was 17 I drove out of town by myself for the first time to visit her at college.  She used to wear a shirt that said TIE ME TO THE BEDPOST.  It was a reference to an Eve6 song.  Remember them?  When I was 18 I dropped out of a little band called Dreamfast because I was just riding the coattails of her talent.  We also got on a plane and went across country together.  Ate dinner with Chilli Willi.  When I was 19, well, she just put up with me.  When I was 20 she invited me to a show they played at this bar in Little Rock.  It was Halloween and all I remember is this man who was wearing panty hose with nothing over them.  Ok, that was weird.  Think about that for awhile.  When I was 21, well, that was a crazy time for her.  There’s a very memorable hives breakout.  When I was 22 I was so foolish.  I don’t have many memories of her that year because I was so foolish.  When I was 23 I told her I was sorry because I was so foolish.  She taught me how to do shots.  It was my first all night dance party.  And she reminded me who I am.  When I was 24 we spent a lot of time in a car together.  I was not fun to be around, but she was.  She gave me a chance to see some things I’d never seen, and do some things I’d never done.  Thanks!  When I was 25 I had the time of my life because of her.  A time I often miss and would trade for not a thing in the world.  She held my sobbing head when I found out my mom had cancer.  She held it over the toilet more than a few times.  She turned green in my arms once, and once she had to get me ready for bed.  She told me to quit smoking, and gave me stuff that made lights pretty, music prettier, and love lovlier.  She held my heart when it beat too hard.  And my belly when I found out about a tiny little life inside it. 

She loves The Colts.  Tom DeLonge.  Puppies.  Nina and Louise.  Being inappropriately funny.  Babies.  Alcohol.  Chicken wings.  Cards.  Dice.  Boys -and a few girls.  Pretend stripteases.  Fun.  TV.  Music.  Working hard.  Salami.  Beetlejuice.  And she’ll give anyone a chance as long as they don’t tell her to show her boobies.

She dislikes mean people (unless it’s funny, see above). Tony C.  Marijuana highs.  Tour travels.  Booking.  Waking up.  Republicans.  Small minds.  Money or its lacking involvement in her daily life.  Cigarettes.  Boys who yell, “Show us your tits!”

She no longer understands 90s rock. 

She has chronic tummy ouchies.

She single handedly stood up to the army and told them she’d be a paratrooper.  Then, having accomplished her goal, she moved on.

Her hair has been many many many different colors.  Sometimes at the same time.

She’s totally boss of the boys. 

We’ve told countless secrets.  Laughed until we wet our pants.  Cried and hid in the comfort of each other’s cloak.  We’ve fought.  We’ve disagreed on important issues, but still, we are.  We’ve remained we.

And now, at 26, I cried in a recliner that holds as many memories of her as I do, over her grace and good heart.

She did something today that was, for me, one of the most remarkable things that a human being can do.  She helped a kid. 

Thank you, Iams.  You are one of a kind!  A hero.  I love you, you little bitch!

 

Sandwiches. Sammies. Samsters. Whatever. September 8, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — familydunn @ 1:12 pm

Scott has been grading papers for the last 5 hours, and let me tell you, I am BORED folks!  Don’t make me use my “caps lock” button now!  I like to keep my wild side on the quiet side, but boredom really brings out the fire in me.

My only salvation tonight has been football.  Which brings me to this.  Tom Brady: Down for the count?  If you are a New England fan, I’m sorry.  I’m also sorry that he has to feel pain.  That being said, GO COWBOYS!  GO COLTS!  GO GIANTS!

Since I was bored I decided that I would make a cooking blog about our dinner tonight.  Many nights I don’t feel like cooking, and tonight was one of those nights.  I love to cook, however, but I’m always trying to find ways to make fresh, healthy, satisfying food easy and accessible at any moment.  It takes some prep work when I have time, but slowly I’m figuring out how to live without having to rely on fast food for the quick fixes when I’m too tired to really cook.  Although, after a night of whiskey sours and beer there’s nothing better than a little Taco Bell. 

(Aside:  Scott just read me a snippet of a biography he had his students write.  Honestly, we should all strive to keep a little bit of 14-year-old in us.  It would do us good!  So funny!)

First of all, I keep an ice bucket in the fridge for sammie scraps. It looks empty here, because it pretty much is.  Contents usually include: several kinds of cheese, a couple cuts of deli meat, zucchini, cucumbers, green bell peppers, red onion, tomatoes, spinach leaves, and anything else that I have in the house that goes on sandwiches.

 

When I get home from the grocery (AMY) I immediately cut up the veggies, wrap them in paper towels, and put them in Ziploc bags.  I label the bags and line them in the ice tray along with cheeses and deli meats.  When I want to make a sammie, which is at least once a day while I’m packing Scott’s lunch, all I have to do is get a couple slices of bread, pull out the ice trey and I’m ready to go.

Step number one tonight is to cut up the zucchini and put it in the plastic bag. Turns out, I spelled zucchini wrong on the bag.  Forgive me.  My fridge doesn’t have a spell-checker.

      

I made myself some dill sauce that is inspired by a condiment, also called “dill sauce”, at one of my favorite deli’s in Fayetteville called Atlanta Bread Company – more commonly known as ABC.  That was our quick shop stop of choice for food before we moved to El Dorado.

It’s equal parts light or fat free mayo and light or fat free sour cream, enough lemon juice to barely thin the mixture and dill to taste.  It actually tastes a lot like what I used to get at ABC!

I then sliced open my favorites of all favorites and dedicated myself wholly and completely the task, for if I had to live on only one substance for the rest of my life and I could not pick a drug, I would pick the avocado.

It took me a few years to master (if you can call it that) my skillz (that’s right!) with the Ava, so I will gladly teach you, my imaginary audience, how to manhandle this glorious fruit.  When you are picking up Ava for a date at the grocery you’ll need to pop what’s left of the stem right on out of her.  Make sure the small cavity is green.  If it’s brown, the inside of Ava is most likely going to be brown, too, and that’s no good.  You’ll need to make sure she is firm, yet gently gives to your touch.  (Ok, the date analogy is kind of freaking me out now…)

This steps is not for the faint of heart, friends.  You have to hit the seed with a knife and then twist the seed out of the avocado.  When I learned to do this step watching The Food Network it was never expressed just how hard you have to hit the seed.  Still, totally worth it even if you have bad aim.

I save have of the avacado to add later to some salsa, so I scored it and then scooped it into a bowl.

    

The skin of Ava should look like this when you are done.

    

If the avocado is going to sit for a few, it’s best to cover it with lemon juice so it does not oxidize.  If it does get a little brown that’s ok, it’ll still taste ok if it hasn’t been out long. 

Now, if you want some delicious Ava on a Sammie you can just scoop the other half of Ava out whole and plop her right there on your chopping block.  Slice her up, and she’s good to go!

         

The next step here is to slice up some onion and tomato.  Normally I would just grab them from out of the baggies, but remember, my sammie bin was currently lacking.

This is a picture of my work station.  It’s a wooden island that my grandpa made, and it’s a life-saver.  I love it!

The next step was to get out the bread.  Heads up, folks.  I make our own bread a lot, just to save money. However, I had to make a quick run to WalMart this Saturday morning and they had this weeks bakery items on sale for 90 cents!  I bought three loaves of bakery made bread and just sliced up what I would need soon and put the rest in the freezer!  If you do that all the time it would save mucho dinero!

I took four small slices of bread (see how 4 slices easy fit on one dinner plate?) and drizzled EVOO and red wine vinegar on them.  You’d be amazed how much better this can make a sammie taste.  Just a tad goes a long way.  And ignore the ivy boarder.  I know it’s ugly, but I still have gotten around to painting the kitchen…or any other room.

    

Now for the fun part.  We layer.

Mustard.

Scott only wants mustard and I only want the dill sauce.

   

Scott doesn’t know what’s good so he doesn’t want any avocado either.

Tomatoes.

Onions.

Whole spinach leaves.

One of the staples in the my fridge is roasted chicken.  I keep it one hand one, because Scott eats it like candy.  He literally vegges out in front of the TV and eats handfuls of chicken.  Weird, I know.  Also, you can buy a lot of it for little money compared to other chicken and it’s not hard to do.  I broke off part of the chicken breast and sliced it up to put on the sandwiches.

Cheese.  I want Swiss.  Scott wants Pepper Jack.

Now it’s time to fold those sandwiches over.  It can be a little difficult because I really pile on the good stuff.  I usually just put my hand over one side, and then after I’ve turned it over on the other piece I slide my hand out from inbetween the two sides.

              

Another staple in our fridge, something we ALWAYS have on hand, is homemade salsa.  I keep it all the time because it’s healthy and delicious.  Plus, the recipe I use makes a ton of it.  Perfect if you need a quick snack.  Unfortunately, I usually have cookies on hand too.  Arg.  I add the salsa to the avocado, for a guacamole of sorts.

    

The lemon I used to to squirt on the avacado a while back I now throw into my water.  Yummy.

The finished product.  Hooray!

Time to eat!

And here’s a picture of my two little laughing goobers.

 

Big Girl Cass. September 5, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — familydunn @ 2:17 pm

It’s almost 9 this morning and you’re already down for your nap.  You woke up after Daddy left for school today (you saw him enough last night!) and Mommy has a sore neck and can’t move her head much, so you were stuck playing by yourself for a couple hours.  I know it’s mean to let you cry, but it’s the only time you say “Mama” so I let you cry often just to hear it. 

Anyways, little one, you got sleepy around 8:30 and I painfully picked you up and held you in the rocking chair.  We rocked for a while and you cried.  Michael Buble started singing on the TV and you calmed down to watch him.  He sang for a while on the Today Show and eventually lulled you to sleep.  (Thank you, Michael Buble!)  I sat for a while looking at your long little legs.  They fall off of my legs now and your feet hang over inside the arm of the chair.  I remember when you were so tiny.  When you were tiny I never thought you were tiny.  I’ve always thought you were a big girl.  I imagine in the future I’ll look back to the time when you were 6 months, just getting your first tooth, learning to crawl, having some uncharacteristic crying spells (and hoping they don’t become characteristic) and think about how tiny you were.  But for now, this morning, when I hold you, maybe it’s because I love you so much, you seem big.