The Dunn Show

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Divorce is Not an Option. October 1, 2008

Filed under: Marriage,Scott — familydunn @ 5:05 pm

A lot of you know that Scott and I got married 3 months after we stated dating and I was already 6 weeks pregnant.  We did that because we were a couple of idiots in that brand new love stage where life feels like you’re on a never ending date at Candy Land, only for us it wasn’t candy so much as wine and adderall.  We know that the odds are stacked against us concerning our marriage and family.  Often times we find ourselves still in the “getting to know you” stage, while having to deal with raising a child, dealing with family, and remaining civil to each other when what we would like to do is yell and scream and hurt each others feelings and pull each others hair. 

Relationships are hard.  Marriage is harder.  We focus a lot of what we don’t want to be.  We don’t want to be a couple that grows apart over time.  We don’t want to make work such a priority that we don’t have solid relationships with our children or each other.  We don’t want to grow resentful of each other over money, sex, time, kids, or just simple everyday decisions like who takes out the trash and when the dishes get washed.  Sometimes we focus so much on what we don’t want that we forget to practice being who we want to be. 

This week has been the hardest on us in our year and a half together.  It has been mentally exhausting and physically and emotionally draining, yet, we still love each other.  We better.  Because, plain and simple, there are times when commitment doesn’t mean much and love better come in and mean something or our world will crumble.  Each day of our struggle I have been reminded that Scott is a manifest of God’s great love for me.  He’s gentle and strong and smart and patient and so so loving.  I don’t deserve that, but I’ve got it, and I’m so grateful.

I write this because I know there are other struggling people in the world, and I need to put this out there:  Two people as stupid as Scott and I are making this thing work!

I hope someone finds that encouraging. 

We don’t have ourselves together.  We crave things we cannot have, like drugs and parties and spontaneous bouts with death defying stunts and road trips and music festivals…and we are vey slowly learning to deal without it.  We don’t know how to treat each others families, we don’t know how to live peacefully in the Bible Belt, we don’t know how to spend our time away from our Fayetteville friends…but very slowly we are learning to deal with it.  Our philosophy is DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION AND IF THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER HATING EACH OTHER THEN SO-BE-IT BUT WHO WANTS THAT? SO WE MIGHT AS WELL BE HAPPY TOGETHER OR DIE.  And guess what?  That philosophy works.  It’s a little unconventional.  Has gotten us some weird looks in public and some even weirder looks from our family but it works.  And that’s all that matters. 

I’m very pleased you chose me as your wife, Scott.  You are much better looking than I am, and I find that flattering, by the way.  I love you. 


2 Responses to “Divorce is Not an Option.”

  1. familydunn Says:

    Dear Sweet Kristen,

    Oh how I adore-cherish-and- love you and what can only be called your Kristenness. You are a singing-dancing-cussing-praying-sleeping-blogging-debating-keeping-cleaning-cooking-drinking-mothering-sistering-aunting-wifeing-daughtering-spending-thinking-namechanging- supurbly sweet sculptured sack of goodness surrounded by an enchanting light encased in joyful tastiness. People are drawn to you and your thoughts daily. Christians, atheists, new age spiritualists, shamans, punks, geeks, blondes, purples, angels, demons, techno-trippers, people on the fence, people off the fence, people redefining the fence as we speak, the brave ones that speak, the braves ones that don’t, the pharisees, the watchers…they are all drawn to you, and you are their slayer and their champion. And Christ is yours. The only one who is humble enough and strong enough for us all, our Lord. His Grace and his mercy has blessed me with all the gifts in heaven, and you have been a blessing and a gift and a heaven on this earth for me. I can write for an eternity in an infinite amount of lifetimes multiplied by an infinite amount more, and can never begin to tell you how much I So Very Much Love You. Thank You God for this mold-breaking WOMAN!!! F**k Yeah!
    Your Husband In Christ
    Scott Winter

  2. Jonathan Says:

    Great post. We’re all there. Great philosophy- DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION AND IF THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER HATING EACH OTHER THEN SO-BE-IT BUT WHO WANTS THAT? SO WE MIGHT AS WELL BE HAPPY TOGETHER OR DIE. If more people had that philosophy, there would be less divorces for sure. The gospel must be central to good marriages. If God can forgive us at the expense of His Son, how can we not bare with and forgive one another as husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters in Christ?

    Great comments about Kristen Scott, she is delightfully intriguing.

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