Your Mama named you Zelda long before she saw you were a girl on the ultrasound. Most people thought you were a boy. Your Gamma and your Aunt Michelle knew you were a girl, and so did your Mama. Your Daddy always said he thought you were a boy, but felt like you were a girl. I tried to make him pick one or the other so many times…he never did. He wanted you, a girl, though. He had fantasies of your sweet little baby self in a ruffled swimsuit on the beach. He loved you from his first thought of you.
But I knew who you were. I don’t know how, but I did. I just knew. I read somewhere that 70% of Mommys know their baby’s gender from in the womb. I did, so it must be true. And I named you Zelda. My little Princess. A Prophet Princess, full of rolaty, wonder, wisdom, and magic. My babe. A hero.
Did you know that’s true? Did you know that God has planned for you since before you were born? Since before He even created the world? Did you know that He picked the time and place that you would be born and live your life? He created you to do something special. Mommy can’t wait to see what you turn out to be. I can’t wait to see what God has made you to do. You are completely unique. Completely you. Did you know that God spoke the entire world into being, but he crafted you with His own hands – just like play-dough? Did you know that He stayed with you while you were in your Mommy’s tummy, and He helped you grow, and then when you were born, He breathed your first breath of air right into your lungs? Did you know? You can’t see Him, but He is there. He is watching and waiting for you to recognize Him. To talk to Him, and to listen. Did you know that He promised that if you would just love Him, He would work everything in your life out for good? That means even the bad and the sad times can turn out to be something good! It might be hard for you to understand, but think of it like this. When you learn to ride your bike and you fall down, you learn from the fall, and eventually, you learn not to fall at all. God does that with life! He loves you so much, and so do I!
I don’t know much of this motherhood stuff figured out yet, and I probably won’t ever get it down just right – Mommy tends to learn as she goes. So I don’t have any advice yet, but I want to tell you a few ways you’ve changed my life.
Because of you:
- I watch my temper. I can finally roll with the punches. I am very grateful for this, because I think the person I was before you wouldn’t have been much of a mother!
- I wake up early and I make the bed.
- I don’t smoke or do drugs. I would much rather rock my babe to sleep at night than party on with Wayne and Garth.
- I have broadened my musical taste. I try to find songs that you will like, and that you could sing along to in a few years.
- I am closer to my family, and Daddy is closer to his family, too.
- I love your Daddy more. I see him in your face, and it is beautiful.
- My heart beats a little faster when you laugh, and a little slower when you cry.
- I cry more.
- I laugh more.
- I talk baby talk to everyone!
- I appreciate my own Mama more. I understand her now and I love the Mother that she is. I am so glad she’s my Mommy and I know that I will be a better Mama because of her.
- I think about myself less. Most of my daydreams are about you now.
- I love the lady that your Aunt Amy is. I can’t wait for you to be old enough to enjoy her. She is a hoot. A hoot with a big heart. Friendship is hard work sometimes, but it is one of the biggest joys in life!
- I pray for your friends.
- I know that somewhere there is a little boy there is going to break your heart, and I want to give him a SPANKING!!!
- I know there may be another boy who your Daddy will give you to at the end of an aisle one day, and that your Daddy will be so bittersweetly brokenhearted that I will have to comfort him to no end. I pray for that boy. That He will love Jesus more than anything else. That he will know how to be a BLAST. I pray he plays hard, and works hard, and loves hard, and that he has parents who love him just as much as Daddy and I love you.
- I realize that this love for you is a BIG LOVE. A love that is felt and acted out and overdone at times. But this BIG LOVE is necessary. It will cover many wrongs, make many thing tolerable, and keep us bound together long after commitment caves.
So here’s to BIG LOVING you, Cass. You are my favorite. A true princess. I hope I raise you well.